The 'Excuse Me' Machine

Yesterday, I was at the disgustingly busy Chinatown. I mean, it isn't usually that busy, but it's the Chinese New Year season, so yeah, it was PACKED...

As I was entering the night market from one end, there was this stupid guy who kept saying 'excuse me'. It's like, I would have let him get past me if I could, but the whole place was so packed. I don't understand what is his fucking problem man...

I was so so pissed after that, that I told myself I'm going to abuse the next person that step on my tail. Thank god there wasn't a 'next person', otherwise everyone in Chinatown would have gotten a chance to see a free show from me, 'The Greatest Actor'. Muahahahaha!

The Phucked Security Gates in SMU

The other day, something really unfortunate happened to me. On the day when SMU officially open its City Campus. As I was walking out of a security gate, the gate close on me and slammed my face. It was so painful that it's still painful now, even though it's already been two days.

Feeling pretty upset about the whole thing, I wrote in to the school's Office of Facilities Management. Below is a copy of what I wrote in to them:

Hello,
I'm a present student in SMU and today, something unfortunate happen. As I was walking out of a security gate at SESS building, the gate shut on me. The gate was opened, so i walked through it. However, instead of remaining open, the gate slammed right on my face, bruising my right face. If i had lowered my head a bit more and walked through the gate, my head would have been severed from my body by the huge force of the closing gate. I'm not sure if the gate is under service, but there should be more safety provisions, as it could pose a potential safety threat to fellow SMU members. It might be in the interest of the whole SMU community to look into the design of the present security gate design on the part of the school to
see if the design can be improved to prevent the gates from becoming potential safety hazards. Security gates are used in many places, and many places have also shown that such gates can be secure and yet, not pose itself as a safety hazard. Kindly look into this matter. Thank you!

If you don't believe me, go and try the gate!

The Slower you walk, the Fatter you get

Doesn't it just irritate you when the idiots in front of you walked like snails? More so if the walkway is so narrow that you can't overtake them? And when you are in a rush, isn't that like 'the last straw that breaks the camel's back'?

I was at the usually busy Orchard Road today, and this nonsense happen to me! Ahhhhh! I was walking from Wisma Atria to Takashimaya and it was packed. And the asses in front are moving so slowly, like as if they are too fat!

Don't they realise that the slower they walk, the fatter they get?

Excuse me! I don't print money!

I don't know what is wrong with people nowadays. Ever since SMU relocated to Bras Basah area since July 2005, I've encountered many beggars in the area, the kind that knows how to speak English.

As a matter of fact, I had my 3rd encounter with the same guy at the area between SMU School of Business and Raffles City, next to SMRT headquarters. The first time I met him, I heard him saying 'excuse me', so I just stopped to listen to his story. That was the very first time I saw him. He said he's very thirsty and didn't had any money with him, so I offered him 2 dollars. In fact, I was really scared when he talked to me. His teeth was all bloody, which I believed could be a side effect from alcoholism. I was so damn scared he would just bite me if I had refused to give him the money. That was the first time.

The second time I saw him, it was the same 'excuse me' again. When I turned around and realised it was him, I quickly walked away. The reason is simple. I don't print money and I can't afford to give him money all the time.

I saw him for the third time today. And it's the same 'excuse me' again. Being the bitchy me that I am, I'm very scared that there would be a day when I heard the same 'excuse me', I might just not be able to resist the temptation to say 'Excuse me! I don't print money!'

Zap your fats away and more!

It seems like a lot of people are crazy over fat-jiggling belts nowadays. First, it was OTO Trimax, then Osim Uzap came along. I bought for myself Trimax, not seeing any results yet, but hey, I found an alternative use for it!

I realise I could use it as a back massager as well! And it's quite good after exercising, just strap it on and jiggle all the fatigue away!

And, I was at Suntec the other day, saw the dumbest thing. Osim came up with iGallop, supposed to be like some horse-riding gadget. The ad was lewd, with models who look like harlots (or maybe their actions look harlot-ey). The whole idea was just darn funny! Why would anyone need something like that if all of us can just go get a rocking horse?